“Oh yeah, I understand”- But no one really gets you, do they?
No one understands the beating of your heart within you as soon as you hear-“Do you want to go out this weekend?” You don’t control it-though God, you try- but your heart pounds on your ribs like a tiger trying to reach for meat on the other side of its cage. But soon, no one believes your excuses you throw out week after week because surely you’re not sick again, your immune system’s not that weak.
No one understands the sigh of relief you breathe out when you’re at a party and you close the door of the bathroom and finally, FINALLY, you’re alone with the dripping tap and the toilet bowl, the beats from the blaring speakers outside finally muffled.
No one understands how important the phrase “me time” means to you because maybe the hours between 5-10 pm on a weekday is just ‘evening’ to other people, but for you its your bed, your blankets, your laptop. The air around you cold as the sky outside your window drips like watercolors from blue to navy to inky, inky black.
No one understands that when you say “I hate presenting to the class”, you don’t mean you feel uncomfortable standing in front of many people, you mean even the thought of it makes you feel sick to your stomach. The hairs on every part of your body stand up and you can feel the food rise up your throat and no amount of flash cards can ring the slightest bell in your head of what you were going to say, because try as you might you’re never going to get it right.
People attempt to understand you, but most people don’t. Not really.